A New Normal

It began with a kind email from my father in law, Tom: Would we like a Christmas wreath for our front door? As I read his generous offer, I was struck by the new normal that our lives are beginning to take on.

Life is changing once again and what we have become use to is now a thing of the past, and what we have in front of us is our new normal.

New - Attending the same church every Sunday, getting to know people, beginning to recognize faces and starting to feel at home.

New - Routine, a white board with chores and tasks, a schedule and things that has to be done.

New – A place for each thing, and the place is not a suit case or a brown paper box, it is a shelf, a closet or a table.

New – Regular play dates with the same kids every time, familiar faces and good friends, not having to make a new acquaintance each time we stop in a park.

New – cleaning, bed making, grocery shopping, meal planning, take out the trash, no longer are these things taken care of by others in hotels, motels and restaurants.

New- Hospitality, we now have a place to call home to where we can invite people to come and join us for a meal and fellowship, and although we do not have real plates just yet, we are learning that china and crystal is not necessary for a fun time.

New – Time apart, and how precious and wonderful the reunion is at the end of the day when Daddy comes through the door after a long day at school.

New - A place to call home, a place to decorate for the seasons, a place to hang a live Christmas wreath!

We have done so much in the last 11 months, and learned so much, and although we are a bit sad to give up the freedom, the fun and the adventure, we are excited about this new normal here in Monterey, California.

How Do I Know?

How do I know that the large, beautiful, shiny diamond on the pretty girl’s finger is real, and that she therefore is rich? Maybe it is a synthetic bought in the QVC clearance store, and the girl saved for a long time to buy it.

How do I know that the little boy who is sucking on a sucker on a Tuesday morning is ‘always’ eating candy and that he has a bad mother who ‘lets him eat candy all the time?” Maybe he has not had a sweet treat in weeks, maybe he never or rarely gets treat – a truth just as possible as ‘he always’ gets sweets.

How do I know the little girl in the Walmart cart with a pacifier in her mouth is too old for that? Maybe she is not as old as she appears, maybe she just got hurt and needed to be soothed, maybe she……

How do I know the heavy set woman in front of me at Safeway with a cart full of ‘junk food’ is buying it for herself? Maybe, she is having a party, bringing snacks to a party, office get together.

How do I know that the ‘perfect’ looking house, with the pretty fence is lovely, warm and inviting on the inside, and something that I covet? Maybe, it is a beautiful façade, like the gorgeous Trompe D’oils we saw covering up the dusty renovation work of castles in Europe?

How do I know that my fellow airline passenger, dressed like she walked off the pages of Vogue is so confident in herself? Maybe she is covering up her insecurities, her loneliness, and empty life?

How do I know that the couple that sits behind us at the restaurant is truly happily married? Maybe this is the first civil conversation they have had with each other in months.

How do I know that she sales clerk is mad at me, when she snaps at my request? Maybe she had a sleepless night, maybe the bills are stacking up and no way to pay them, maybe it had nothing to do with my request

How do I know that someone intended to hurt me with actions or words? Maybe there is a true intent veiled behind how I received the interaction, maybe even bathed in good intentions?

How do I know that the child acting out in the store is due to poor parenting? Maybe the child is facing the imminent death of a parent and the shopping trip on the way to the hospital is to find the ‘right card’ for Mommy so she will bet better.

How do I know that that the decision that someone made was wrong and foolish? Maybe there are more facts than I have been aware of, maybe there is information that is not shared, maybe from the other point of view it appears to be a great choice.

How do I know… the list goes on and on. My brain makes judgments constantly and the outcome affects how I see and interaction with people around me. Maybe I am wrong in my judgment, maybe I am too quick to judge, maybe it is time to give people a chance to show me who they are without coloring their presentation with my snap judgments.

Thank you Lord for your gentle teachings, for helping me be more compassionate and less critical Lord give me the courage to not judge, the patience to uncover all the facts, and the grace to love everyone I encounter .

Shock and Awe

Shock – honestly, $30 for a 6 mile cab ride?
Shock - cannot flag down a cab in a flash
Awe – the cab driver has change!

Shock – how hot water can be really truly too hot
Awe – soft, soft, soft towels

Shock – the large cars with only one person in each
Awe – how polite drivers are

Shock – the plethora of choices, how do I make a choice
Awe – even in a regular Target, the plethora of food options

Shock – bullet proof vests guarding the hospital entrance
Awe – modern, western medicine

Shock – cold weather
Awe - cool room to sleep in

Shock – the bareness of nature
Awe – the tiny whispers of green on each and every tree branch

Shock – understand everything that everyone says
Awe – Spanish praise music on the radio and it making me joyful

It truly has been a reverse culture shock to come back to the US. We have been back a week now and I am still amazed, shocked, awed, daily as I go about our life here in Minneapolis. I am amazed by how easy it is to get things done, yet, I miss the warmth of the people in La Ceiba, the smiles, the small talks, and the slower pace. Like in so many other areas of my life, I am living in tension: Honduras versus the US. God is working on me, showing me the gray areas of life, that tension is good, it is molding me; I am learning to enjoy the journey.

Taking back my mind

I have a critical spirit, one of the things that God laid on my heart to work on this year. It is so easy for me to see what is wrong, what needs to be fixed, how to solve a situation, or come up with a way out of a jam.... yet in the process I forget to enjoy all that is right. The beauty, the care, the passion, the compassion, the love and consideration that is behind most acts, thoughts, words and deeds.
I have been especially convicted about my critical spirit as it comes to fellow Christians. "I cannot believe they let their kids do....., " "I cannot believe they do not let their kids ........," "How can she call herself a Christian and do....." "Why would someone who is a Christian not do...." The thoughts and criticism can run like an endless tape in my head, a veritable proving ground for discontent, dissension and distraction. Christians are known for criticizing our fellow believers, dividing rather than unifying - and I am sure I have done my fair share to contribute to this stereo type. Please note, I am not talking about blatant errors or sin, the Bible is pretty clear on how these situations are to be handled.
Beth Moore, wrote so wisely in Praying God's Word Day by Day about and it hit home:
"Concentrating on the shortcomings of other Christians can cheat a Christian of truly enjoying the presence of God." p 44.
My mind can only handle one thing at the time, and why should I give up time and presence with God for the worries about someone else? For a situation that I have no say in, no impact on, no stake in? Rather, I ought to keep my focus on God, praying for my fellow believers.
When I focus on others, I have to take the focus of God and that is EXACTLY where the enemy would like me, my focus can be any other place. So when I criticize, analyze, judge another Christian - the enemy calls it a victory, MISSION COMPLETE! He knows the incredible power that comes with a focus on God - with God nothing is impossible.
This has been ruminating in my mind for a while. The power that my thoughts have, and how much control I have over these random, and at times dangerous thoughts. I have renewed resolve to keep my focus on God. Spending my time with God rather than on my critical thoughts, has been so sweet, so enjoyable. I am seeing a difference. No, I am still able to quickly judge, criticize or seize up a situation, but I am now aware of the danger, and try to bring my focus back on God. I do not need to be assisting the enemy in his attack, my mind is no longer in his army.

Moms just like me

As I spend time with the women here in Honduras it is becoming so clear to me how little really truly differentiates us. Moms are Moms no matter where we live. My concerns for Lukas and Noah about their lives, their education, their health and their future is so similar to the ones of any Mom I meet here. Moms wants what is best for her children, and is willing to endure a lot to provide that, even if it means learning to read as an adult. Moms worry about how to feed their children. Mom spends time hugging and holding children.

I think about our living conditions, what we eat, and how to clothes the boys. I am constantly ruminating about their education, their future and how to prepare them for life. When they are sick, I want to give my left arm to heal them RIGHT NOW!
These Moms have the exact same thoughts. The only difference is:
When I think of where we live - I worry about our house, I am thinking of how clean it is, the amount of work it takes to keep it nice, how to make it feel like home for the boys and ways to ensure they have space to do 'their things.' I do not worry about keeping a roof over our heads, the bugs are not flying straight through openings and we have locked gates to keep friends in and foes out.
I think about what food we are eating, is is nutritious, is it varied, is it tasty? How can I come up with new ways to cook, new meals, exciting combinations to spice up our meals? My fellow Moms here are worried about getting food for their family.
I wash, sort and fold the clothes, making sure there are nice, clean and comfortable clothes to wear every day. If I do not wash today, we still have plenty of option for things to wear tomorrow, and our main problem is often: which shirt to wear. I concern myself with if the shirt match the pants, and if the shoes are appropriate for the outfit. My fellow Moms worry about having an outfit to put on their children - and shoes are often not even in the equation.
Bob and I are jointly schooling, providing a great support for me, and a fun shake up in the routine for the boys. We carefully packed educational materials for our time here in Honduras and when we are running short, the care package is only a few scant days away with more good books and learning tools. And, we have continual Internet access, so there is never a shortage of ways to educate. Yet, their education is often at the forefront of my mind, are we covering the 'right' things, are they learning 'what they need,' what are they missing, are they keeping pace with others their age. My fellow Moms worry about school period. Can they somehow find the money to buy school supplies, and uniforms. Can they afford not having the child helping out at home, or even worse helping to beg on the street in order to feed the family today?

I think about their future, what will the world look like when they grow up, how can I best prepare them for life in the world, what do they need to be ready? My fellow Moms are also thinking and worrying about the future, their horizon is simply a bit shorter - what will happen this week, this month. Can I provide for my child today.
When Lukas or Noah is sick, I bend down under the sink in our bathroom and pull out appropriate medicine to cure most of what ails them. If I do not have the right medicine, I can walk a few blocks to a local pharmacy and get it, and our personal health advisor Erin is only a phone call away. We even have Medi-evac insurance if something goes really wrong. My fellow Moms are just as worried about their little ones, they suffer through the fevers, the coughs, the wheezing lungs, the infected bites, the parasites. Despite limited education and information, Moms just know what is wrong with their babies, and these Moms are no exception. But, they most certainly do not have medicine under the bathroom sink - many do not even have a bathroom sink, the toilet is an outhouse and the washing takes place in the laundry, washing dishes, cleaning sink located outside. They may not be able to access medical care and pharmacies are bus rides away. Any Mom who has held a sick child waiting for the doctor's office to open, or for the medicine to arrive knows the horrid feeling in the gut...
There is so little differentiating me from these Moms, only God's amazing grace placed me where I am, in the family I grew up in, with the husband He prepared for me, and with the lovely family I have been blessed to care for.

Only in Honduras

Only here have I
be woken up by a man selling screens and glass to fix your windows, door-to-door, at 7 am on a Sunday morning
walked by a window display that has a boy mannequin dressed in cuffed shorts, polo shirt tucked in, and swim wings; or a store window selling bikinis and wedding gowns - and it was not a second hand store!
seen a armed man riding on top of filled propane tanks
been able to buy chairs, baskets, hammocks, ice cream, sweet rollls, and cotton candy at my gate all before 11 am - just who has a craving for cotton candy at 9:30 am... bring me coffee and let's talk!
ordered kebabs featured on the menu and being told it will take so long to make, choose something else,
asked for a Pina Colada and having the waitress come back 15 minutes later apologising that Pina Coladas are too difficult to make - albeit listed on the drink menu
waited two weeks for the land lord to even think about fixing the windows so that we can secure the house when we leave during the day
accepted that the stove probably will not be work properly before we head back to the US
carried home a back pack full of delicious food from the fruit stand and still have money left from my equivalent of ten dollar bill
stopped on the corner to chat with the street sweeper and kissing and hugging before I continued my walk
cheek kissed virtual strangers whom I just met.
bought delicious honey from the house across the street

Life in Honduras is full of surprises, juxtapositions, and unusual encounters - never a dull moment!

Temporary housing

As a military wife, I have had my fair share of temporary housing - and never thought much of it, apart from mumbled complaints about the things I did not have. Living in Honduras has given me a much more challenging perspective of temporary living.
We were fortunate enough that Mike was able to find us a place to rent short term. There are houses here to rent, and there are furnished places to rent, but a furnished house, in a safe community, for rent short term is not easy to come by, so we are truly blessed.
The house is furnished with the basics we need to live - beds, table, chairs, stove, fridge and it even have some great extras: sofa, sofa table, water cooler, desk for our computer, and some lamps to light up the place at night. The kitchen had minimal but almost sufficient equipment. The question for us became: "Is this good enough for our time here or do we need to purchase x?" Since we are on a limited budget, each purchase required a 'no, we really need this' in order to be made. So we now have enough plates, cups and utensils to hosts friends for dinner, one pretty good knife, a working can opener, and a few assorted other items. It took a little getting used to, having to juggle meal preparations not only based on what was in the store that day, but the size and types of pans we had. Bob has been known to heat his tea water in our 'lobster pot size' pot a few times, and our newly purchased non stick frying pan does double duty as quick micro wave to reheat left overs. The longer we are here, the more we get use to the limitations and, strangely enough, they no longer seem so restrictive. In a sense it is pretty freeing to have these limits imposed on how we live, what we cook, and the cleanliness of the place.
One day talking with a dear friend, she mentioned the concept of our temporary residency here on earth, and how our permanent home is not here, but in Heaven. It really made me think about how I live life here on earth, not just in Honduras.
How differently I live here in our temporary home than I did in our 'permanent' house in Ridgecrest. How would it look like if I lived a little more like my home is a temporary place rather than permanent, something ephemeral rather than something of such great importance. I have come to appreciate the temporary status of our home here, and the freedom is affords me, and I pray that I will carry some of that with me back to the US. We have so much less stuff here, yet we are not really missing much. The boys are doing a fine job finding things to entertain themselves with, even though we brought hardly any toys. We eat a decent meal each night. Our friends seem not bothered by the fact that nothing match, the food is served in pots, and we have to wash the forks before dessert, and we have fun fellowship playing games, getting to know each other and solving "the world's problems."
As we begin to unpack all our many boxes this summer, I pray I will remember where my true home is; that the things we have need to be taken care of, yet held lightly in my hand, that what we have is good enough more often than not, and that what truly matters is family and friends.
Asking the question "do I really need this, or can I make do?" will do wonders for not only our budget but for our lives. Less things to take care of, more time for friends, family and relationships. Honduras is teaching me so much!