Christina's blog

Warning - this is a tough one...

2011-01-23T21:12:00.001-08:00

Radical by David Platt

There is a problem with this book – I want to put it down,,, but I cannot! It challenges me in ways that few others have ever done. It is not a feel good book, it is not a ‘great, you are on the right track, keeping doing what you are doing’ book, it shook my world, it forced me to take a real close, hard look at how we live, what we do, and where we spend our time, money and energy.
David Platt is showing me the idols that so stealthily crept in to my heart and life, the ones that seem so innocent, so good and so pleasing – yet if they walk like a duck and talk like a duck it is a duck no matter how much it is dressed up.
Platt is confrontational in the questions he asks the reader to consider, and the answers are not easy to face – giving up the comfort, the conveniences, the security for the sake of Christ…. Yet, he is not condescending, not judgmental, not patronizing; he is honest about the struggle that I and probably many other American Christians are facing today: The Gospel and the Great Commission versus my comfortable, convenient, practical, safe life in suburbia America. He challenges me to live out the Gospel DAILY, not just on Sunday mornings. God is not a check in the box that is complete on Sunday morning and now I can go on with my life, God is Life, He is ALL and when I surrender to Him completely there is a transformation that is indescribable, one that takes me life in a completely new direction.
David Platt encourages me to take a fresh look at the Gospel, not from my comfortable American suburb point of view but really, fresh unadulterated look at what Jesus is calling me to do. I cannot imagine what would happen if the Christians would take this challenge to heart, it would be not only miraculous but also transformational. The world is ready for the real Jesus, not the one that sits in a pew in church and waits to be entertained, served and taught.
I could not wait to take on the Radical Challenge – pray for the world, read the entire Bible, sacrifice my money for a specific purpose, and spend time in another context. It will not be easy, but Jesus did not come to offer the peace of this world: Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27.

Do not read this book unless you are ready for a change, it will change how you think about your faith! He rocked the foundation of my faith and forced me to see where my blind spots in a new light. It brought me back to the True Jesus, the Author and Perfector of my faith – not the one that I had made him out to be. It is encouraging, exhilarating and refreshing to meet Jesus anew, fresh through the pages of David Platt’s book. Thank you David Platt for the wake up call!

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

What I learned from a toddler

2010-03-16T20:24:00.001-07:00

The other day I saw a little girl at the play ground. She happily toddled around and then all of a sudden the joy turned to sadness as he stubbed her toe trying to navigate the stairs that would bring her to the slide ride – her favorite part of the park. This little girl was surrounded by many willing to help, but she resolutely walked by the other Moms’ caring hands, her big sisters offer to pick her up, her doting grand father’s strong embrace and headed straight for Mama. At that moment, nobody could comfort like Mama, and she was not at all distracted by nor convinced by the poor imitations of comfort, she wanted Mama. Not long after she found comfort in her mother’s loving arm was she off to play again, attempting to scale the steps once more.

That scene made me think of myself and how I handle hurts: the harsh words that slice through the heart like a newly sharpened knife, the unkind look that drills a hole in my soul, the perceived snubbing that causes my self confidence to crumble, the list goes on and on. So where do I turn when my soul is crying, when my heart is aching? Am I easily distracted by the comforts of the world: food, shopping, activities, the latest exercise regime, etc? Watching the drama play out in front of my eyes made me stop and reflect on my own behavior. The little girl may have been really hurt, but from the looks of it, it was probably not severe. Yet, she was hurt and she knew where her true comfort would come from – Mama.

I realized I could learn a valuable lesson from this little girl. Maybe I would stop hurting faster if instead of trying to anesthetize myself with counterfeit comforts, I would walk straight by and right in to the loving, kind and comforting arms of my Father. The things of this world provide fleeting, ephemeral incomplete and conditional comfort. He is the only one that can provide unconditional, lasting comfort, and complete healing. Next time I am hurt, I am going to be like that little girl, and run straight to God.

What I learned gardening

2010-03-02T21:25:00.000-08:00

Spring was in the air, it was warm, and the recent rains had made the soil moist making it easier to pull out weeds and weeding is what I needed to do, so I donned an old pair of pants, garden gloves and headed outside. I stopped at the top of the stairs, overwhelmed by the immensity of the project, wondering how soon we would need a machete to cut a path in our way. How on earth would I ever tame this yard, I wondered silently. What ever little energy and enthusiasm I had had for gardening quickly diminished like ice cream on a sunny day. Not that I had much to begin with, gardening is not something I know much about, and I can think of a thousand things I rather do. However, the yard needed care and it was a good excuse to be outside and soak up the first rays of spring sun.

The former owner of our house spent a lot of time and love on the yard, there are beautiful plants, trees, flowers, bushes and roses galore everywhere. I am sure that at one point this garden was a pure delight. But years of neglect is showing, dead limbs, old roots, withering plants and weeds too tall to measure all contribute to the abandoned look.

Almost paralyzed by the enormity I suddenly remembered advice offered by a professional gardener: “Just take a 2x2 area and make it look pretty. Don’t look at the whole lot, just that small piece. When that one is done, pick another 2x2 area and begin all over, before you know it, the entire garden will look wonderful.” In business we used to call that chopping up the elephant in to bite size pieces. Since both Lukas and Noah dream about picking fruit in our yard, I decided to start around the one and only fruit tree we have – a neglected lime tree.

I had to duck and crawl, step and climb to get to ‘my’ area but I was determined to keep my focus and make this one little piece look nice; and once cleared of weed, I could feed the tree in the hopes of gaining some fruit for the boys to pick later on. As I kneeled by the tree, pulling long limbs of ivy, yanking thick deep rooted weeds out of the ground and cutting dead branches of the tree, I began to see the similarities between this garden and my spiritual life. Ouch…

Years of raising young boys with little time for personal reflection, neglect of my spiritual growth, allowed sin to creep in, take root and take over. The fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of Christ (Ps 139), Christina, was covered in a tangled web of sin. Nothing earth shattering, front page worthy, but the hidden sins, those that feed on very little and seem to take root rapidly; just like the vines of ivy that creep, crawl and spread with lightening speed if allowed. As I pulled and tugged on the ivy, and dug deep in the ground to pull out the entire root it became clear that I needed some weeding in my life as well.

Although long neglected, our yard at a quick glance did not reveal its true state. At a first blush all looks well, it is lush, it is green and there are plenty of color and blooms to feast the eye upon, if it just wasn’t all weeds all would be fine. Weeds are not necessarily ugly, as a matter of fact Noah often picks it and proudly brings it to me as a beautiful gift, yes the flowers are pretty, almost dainty, but still it is a weed. Sin is not always appearing to be ugly, it has so many clever disguises just like these blue dainty flowers, yet the roots are deep, and it crowds out the other plants, choking the life out of anything in its path. Pretty on the outside does not always accurately reflect the inside. And the opposite is true as well. Last fall, with expert assistance, I pruned the dozens of rose bushes scattered throughout the yard. When the work was done the bushes looked anything but pleasing or pretty, yet now a scant few months later each is blooming and blossoming with vigor.

The large, deep roots left big holes in the moist soil. If I did not fill those in, there would be large unsightly holes starring at me every time I walked through the garden. Must the same, I realized that not only do I need to take out the sin that has rooted itself in my life, but I need to ensure that I fill the hole left behind with something else. Time spent pursuing these activities must be filled with something of meaning and purpose or I will quickly fall back in to old patterns and habits.

Nobody could see me under the tree as I pulled and tugged allowing me precious silence and contemplation. Just like the garden overwhelmed me with its immensity of work, I can at times feel dejected and immobilized by my sinful nature. There are so many areas needing improvement, so much to work on, and no matter my resolve and resolution, it fades quickly and I am back where I started. Sanctification is simply too big of a job for me to handle on my own and all at once. As I thought of the advice from the gardener I realized that could easily be applied to me as well. Don’t worry about all that has to be done, simply focus on one thing and work on that – pulling out the sin, getting every last bit of the root out, filling the hole left behind. The heaviness in my heart I felt for some time, the condemnation that I had carried around suddenly lifted and I felt as if I had lost at least 10 lbs, My heart was light and my spirit invigorated, I can do this. I can focus on one characteristic and master it well. The work under the tree was almost done.

Finally, as I looked at the retaining wall behind the tree I saw remnants of the ivy that I had pulled out, still clinging to the concrete with all its might. It is not enough to pull out the roots of sin, it is not enough to simply sweep around the immediate area, but it is vital to look all around for places where the sin I am tackling has crept in, it is amazing in how many places in my life I can identify the same sinful behavior – and if it is not dealt with it will graft itself and take root again. I have worked all too hard on my 2x2 area to allow any weeds to remain, it has to all come out, every little bit.

An hour later, my knees soar from kneeling in the dirt, my back hurting from bending over, my arms and hands raw from pulling, I was done. The work was complete and I could put down citrus food to hopefully nurture the lime tree back to health and fruit bearing.

Although my body was physically tired from the work, I was light in heart and encouraged from my encounter with God in the garden. I now look forward to my next 2x2 square and for what God is going to teach me next. Until then I am busy tending to one habit/characteristic in my life that needs to go. I am armed with the right tools, and I am ready to reclaim my soul.

Just different

2010-02-09T22:15:00.000-08:00

One of our favorite things to do here in Monterey is to go to the beach in Carmel, armed with a dinner picnic basket, shovels, firewood, chairs and lots of extra clothes. We haul what seems like too much gear down the winding stairs and then scout out the perfect spot for dinner, fire, digging and sunset watching. Most of the time we bring along out of town guests or friends to join us in the fun, and it does not take long before everyone is skirting the edge of the ocean, trying to run away from the waves as they break on the long sandy beach. Children and adults alike laugh and giggle even when they get wet and the extra clothes or towels come in handy as everyone settles in for fire, hot food and chat. Noah who typically wants to be in the 'thick' of any action will almost always set out to dig his way to the center of the earth, hardly having enough time to stop for a bite to eat much less time to gallivant and frolic in the water. By the time we leave, he has usually dug himself a hole deeper than he is tall and at times wide enough to fit a few kids in for a final photo op. The walk down to the perfect spot seemed a bit arduous because of all the gear, and the walk back to the stairs and the car, although only a few 100 feet seems even more challenging; by the time we leave it is pitch black, the sun has set long ago, there are no streets lights in Carmel and everyone is carrying at least another pound or two of sand in their clothes, shoes and hair making the trek seem soo soo long. By the time everyone is in the car, shivering, sandy and dead tired all energy is gone, yet it is always unanimous that it was a wonderful time.
I also enjoy the Carmel beach during our early morning beach walk. I meet up with friends and dogs, ladies and our two boys take off for the beautiful ocean view walk to catch up on news, gossip, and exercise. We frequently stop to catch our breath - not because we are out of shape -but because of the amazing, gorgeous and incredible view.
Two weeks ago, we had an incredible storm come through - no not the kind that the East Coast is experiencing with snow and bone-chilling temperatures - but a storm worthy of its name for this area. The wind whipped around and blew over trees as if they were match stick, the rain pelted windows and if there ever was a crevice to seep through the water found it. Some even lost power, and Highway 1 car speeds topped out at 25 mph, and at times came to a complete halt.
When the sun came out again, the trees were cleared off the roads and cabin fever had gotten the best of us, we headed to our favorite beach - Carmel. Words could not describe the change, locals and visitors alike stood in stunned silence as they surveyed what was left of the beach. Initially all access to the beach

was prohibited, but it did not take long before the die-hards found a way down to see first hand what the storm had done. The long, soft, fine sand beach was gone, the waves even at low tide covered almost all of what was left of the beach, 'our perfect spot' from just a few nights ago was completely under water....

It has now been a few weeks and the new reality is setting. I still have a hard time comprehending what happened, but it is true, the beach has changed. What was is no more, and I am not sure when we can come back down to do fires and eat chili out of plastic cups... Noah will not have to choose between frolicking in the water and digging his hole because it will only take him a minute to reach solid rock as he puts his shovel in the sand. There is no need to bring extra clothes, nothing on the beach will remain dry. Yet, despite all the changes, the beach is still amazingly beautiful, it still takes my breath away as I join my
friends for beach walks, or take the boys for an outing after school is done.

What was may never be again, and I miss that; but the new reality is here and it has cast its on spell on me. As I reflect on this, I sense God's teaching me - a gentle nudging kind of teaching , more than a hit me over the head lesson.

Last year my dear friend MaryJo passed away after a valiant battle with cancer. She was someone I leaned on for much, and never did she let me down. Her faith, her strong convictions and her moral character always guided her response. I miss her, and I miss her a lot. Life with her was beautiful, fun and enjoyable. Life without her has to go on, even though we are many who miss her dearly and long for the day we will once again be together in Heaven. It is hard at times to see how life can go on when we lost someone we love.

The beach provided a loose metaphor for life with and life without MaryJo (and other losses I have experienced) The beach was so much fun and so gorgeous before the storm and I miss that now. Yet, the new beach has a different kind of beauty to it, there are things to discover that I had not noticed before. It is still an amazing beach, a beautiful place to spend some time by. The new beach is what I have and what is here to enjoy, the old one is gone. I can spend all my time reminiscing and longing for the old beach, but no matter how much and how intensely I long for it, it will not come back. I have a choice - stay in the past and miss all the present beauty, or live in the present and enjoy God's creation in this new form. I have a choice as I miss my friend, stay in the past or learn from MaryJo and live in the here and now, for that is all we have.

This is a recent photo of the 'beach' - "our spot" is located almost dead center of the photo...

What a great read!

2010-02-08T21:05:00.000-08:00

It was with trepidation that I picked up Mary DeMuth’s Thin Places as I rarely enjoy reading biographies. I find it of no interest to read about narcissistic self promoting individuals, rarely having accomplished much note worthy, and frequently settling what would best be described as highly personal family matters in a very public manner; and not seldom leaving me wondering what is truth and what is simply exaggeration for the sake of publicity and an attempt to achieve victim status. Had the author been anyone but Mary DeMuth I probably would not have given the book a second look, but since I have enjoyed every book Mary has authored I wanted to give this one the benefit of the doubt. I am so glad I did, what a treasure This Place is.

Mary is a fantastic writer, and her way with words and language is amazing. The reader cannot help but feeling pulled in to the pages, smelling, and hearing, seeing and feeling as if the words came alive – it is live theater on a page. Few authors can achieve this feat but Mary mastered it; one of the many reasons her books are such a pleasure to read – it involves all senses.

Mary shares her early life and struggles with the reader in a beautiful, caring, yet sensitive manner. There is no self aggrandizement, no exaggeration for the sake of hype and fame, no name calling to hurt and offend. At times, I think she is even a bit too nice to those who hurt her, allowing her deep faith in the forgiveness and grace of Jesus Christ to shine through.

She details her experiences in a way that helps the reader relate to the pain, suffering and offense; for hers unfortunately is not an unusual story and I suspect many are we the readers who have similar stories buried in the depth of our hearts and minds. She uncovers the truth, exposes the pain for all to see and demonstrates the far reaching impact and consequences in the present of offenses of yesteryear. For those who have walked in her shoes she puts words to feelings, pains, and struggles in a way that validates the reader. For those fortunate enough to have experienced a safer childhood, her descriptions will help put words to the pain so that as one encounters someone with a difficult past one may be able to better comprehend the immensity of the pain and offer a shoulder to cry on, a ear to listen and a mouth to pray for the sufferer.

Mary talks freely about her life, her challenges and her every day struggles as a young girl, teenager, college student, wife, mother and friend. Her writing is so vivid, her description so telling and her honesty so real; at times it felt as if she had written about me, and my challenges – I finally realized I was not alone in thinking these thoughts, acting in these ways or feeling like I feel. Her words were like a soothing balm on open wounds in my heart and soul. Mary offers hope to the hopeless, and points her readers to the one and only one who can heal the wounds of men - our Lord and Savior.

There is only one problem with this book – it is so good it is impossible to put down; causing me to stay up way too late at night!

A New Normal

2009-10-04T16:15:00.001-07:00

It began with a kind email from my father in law, Tom: Would we like a Christmas wreath for our front door? As I read his generous offer, I was struck by the new normal that our lives are beginning to take on.

Life is changing once again and what we have become use to is now a thing of the past, and what we have in front of us is our new normal.

New - Attending the same church every Sunday, getting to know people, beginning to recognize faces and starting to feel at home.

New - Routine, a white board with chores and tasks, a schedule and things that has to be done.

New – A place for each thing, and the place is not a suit case or a brown paper box, it is a shelf, a closet or a table.

New – Regular play dates with the same kids every time, familiar faces and good friends, not having to make a new acquaintance each time we stop in a park.

New – cleaning, bed making, grocery shopping, meal planning, take out the trash, no longer are these things taken care of by others in hotels, motels and restaurants.

New- Hospitality, we now have a place to call home to where we can invite people to come and join us for a meal and fellowship, and although we do not have real plates just yet, we are learning that china and crystal is not necessary for a fun time.

New – Time apart, and how precious and wonderful the reunion is at the end of the day when Daddy comes through the door after a long day at school.

New - A place to call home, a place to decorate for the seasons, a place to hang a live Christmas wreath!

We have done so much in the last 11 months, and learned so much, and although we are a bit sad to give up the freedom, the fun and the adventure, we are excited about this new normal here in Monterey, California.

How Do I Know?

2009-07-28T20:49:00.000-07:00

How do I know that the large, beautiful, shiny diamond on the pretty girl’s finger is real, and that she therefore is rich? Maybe it is a synthetic bought in the QVC clearance store, and the girl saved for a long time to buy it.

How do I know that the little boy who is sucking on a sucker on a Tuesday morning is ‘always’ eating candy and that he has a bad mother who ‘lets him eat candy all the time?” Maybe he has not had a sweet treat in weeks, maybe he never or rarely gets treat – a truth just as possible as ‘he always’ gets sweets.

How do I know the little girl in the Walmart cart with a pacifier in her mouth is too old for that? Maybe she is not as old as she appears, maybe she just got hurt and needed to be soothed, maybe she……

How do I know the heavy set woman in front of me at Safeway with a cart full of ‘junk food’ is buying it for herself? Maybe, she is having a party, bringing snacks to a party, office get together.

How do I know that the ‘perfect’ looking house, with the pretty fence is lovely, warm and inviting on the inside, and something that I covet? Maybe, it is a beautiful façade, like the gorgeous Trompe D’oils we saw covering up the dusty renovation work of castles in Europe?

How do I know that my fellow airline passenger, dressed like she walked off the pages of Vogue is so confident in herself? Maybe she is covering up her insecurities, her loneliness, and empty life?

How do I know that the couple that sits behind us at the restaurant is truly happily married? Maybe this is the first civil conversation they have had with each other in months.

How do I know that she sales clerk is mad at me, when she snaps at my request? Maybe she had a sleepless night, maybe the bills are stacking up and no way to pay them, maybe it had nothing to do with my request

How do I know that someone intended to hurt me with actions or words? Maybe there is a true intent veiled behind how I received the interaction, maybe even bathed in good intentions?

How do I know that the child acting out in the store is due to poor parenting? Maybe the child is facing the imminent death of a parent and the shopping trip on the way to the hospital is to find the ‘right card’ for Mommy so she will bet better.

How do I know that that the decision that someone made was wrong and foolish? Maybe there are more facts than I have been aware of, maybe there is information that is not shared, maybe from the other point of view it appears to be a great choice.

How do I know… the list goes on and on. My brain makes judgments constantly and the outcome affects how I see and interaction with people around me. Maybe I am wrong in my judgment, maybe I am too quick to judge, maybe it is time to give people a chance to show me who they are without coloring their presentation with my snap judgments.

Thank you Lord for your gentle teachings, for helping me be more compassionate and less critical Lord give me the courage to not judge, the patience to uncover all the facts, and the grace to love everyone I encounter .

Shock and Awe

2009-05-07T17:49:00.000-07:00

Shock – honestly, $30 for a 6 mile cab ride?
Shock - cannot flag down a cab in a flash
Awe – the cab driver has change!

Shock – how hot water can be really truly too hot
Awe – soft, soft, soft towels

Shock – the large cars with only one person in each
Awe – how polite drivers are

Shock – the plethora of choices, how do I make a choice
Awe – even in a regular Target, the plethora of food options

Shock – bullet proof vests guarding the hospital entrance
Awe – modern, western medicine

Shock – cold weather
Awe - cool room to sleep in

Shock – the bareness of nature
Awe – the tiny whispers of green on each and every tree branch

Shock – understand everything that everyone says
Awe – Spanish praise music on the radio and it making me joyful

It truly has been a reverse culture shock to come back to the US. We have been back a week now and I am still amazed, shocked, awed, daily as I go about our life here in Minneapolis. I am amazed by how easy it is to get things done, yet, I miss the warmth of the people in La Ceiba, the smiles, the small talks, and the slower pace. Like in so many other areas of my life, I am living in tension: Honduras versus the US. God is working on me, showing me the gray areas of life, that tension is good, it is molding me; I am learning to enjoy the journey.

Taking back my mind

2009-04-13T19:05:00.000-07:00

I have a critical spirit, one of the things that God laid on my heart to work on this year. It is so easy for me to see what is wrong, what needs to be fixed, how to solve a situation, or come up with a way out of a jam.... yet in the process I forget to enjoy all that is right. The beauty, the care, the passion, the compassion, the love and consideration that is behind most acts, thoughts, words and deeds.
I have been especially convicted about my critical spirit as it comes to fellow Christians. "I cannot believe they let their kids do....., " "I cannot believe they do not let their kids ........," "How can she call herself a Christian and do....." "Why would someone who is a Christian not do...." The thoughts and criticism can run like an endless tape in my head, a veritable proving ground for discontent, dissension and distraction. Christians are known for criticizing our fellow believers, dividing rather than unifying - and I am sure I have done my fair share to contribute to this stereo type. Please note, I am not talking about blatant errors or sin, the Bible is pretty clear on how these situations are to be handled.
Beth Moore, wrote so wisely in Praying God's Word Day by Day about and it hit home:
"Concentrating on the shortcomings of other Christians can cheat a Christian of truly enjoying the presence of God." p 44.
My mind can only handle one thing at the time, and why should I give up time and presence with God for the worries about someone else? For a situation that I have no say in, no impact on, no stake in? Rather, I ought to keep my focus on God, praying for my fellow believers.
When I focus on others, I have to take the focus of God and that is EXACTLY where the enemy would like me, my focus can be any other place. So when I criticize, analyze, judge another Christian - the enemy calls it a victory, MISSION COMPLETE! He knows the incredible power that comes with a focus on God - with God nothing is impossible.
This has been ruminating in my mind for a while. The power that my thoughts have, and how much control I have over these random, and at times dangerous thoughts. I have renewed resolve to keep my focus on God. Spending my time with God rather than on my critical thoughts, has been so sweet, so enjoyable. I am seeing a difference. No, I am still able to quickly judge, criticize or seize up a situation, but I am now aware of the danger, and try to bring my focus back on God. I do not need to be assisting the enemy in his attack, my mind is no longer in his army.

Moms just like me

2009-04-06T21:09:00.000-07:00

As I spend time with the women here in Honduras it is becoming so clear to me how little really truly differentiates us. Moms are Moms no matter where we live. My concerns for Lukas and Noah about their lives, their education, their health and their future is so similar to the ones of any Mom I meet here. Moms wants what is best for her children, and is willing to endure a lot to provide that, even if it means learning to read as an adult. Moms worry about how to feed their children. Mom spends time hugging and holding children.

I think about our living conditions, what we eat, and how to clothes the boys. I am constantly ruminating about their education, their future and how to prepare them for life. When they are sick, I want to give my left arm to heal them RIGHT NOW!
These Moms have the exact same thoughts. The only difference is:
When I think of where we live - I worry about our house, I am thinking of how clean it is, the amount of work it takes to keep it nice, how to make it feel like home for the boys and ways to ensure they have space to do 'their things.' I do not worry about keeping a roof over our heads, the bugs are not flying straight through openings and we have locked gates to keep friends in and foes out.
I think about what food we are eating, is is nutritious, is it varied, is it tasty? How can I come up with new ways to cook, new meals, exciting combinations to spice up our meals? My fellow Moms here are worried about getting food for their family.
I wash, sort and fold the clothes, making sure there are nice, clean and comfortable clothes to wear every day. If I do not wash today, we still have plenty of option for things to wear tomorrow, and our main problem is often: which shirt to wear. I concern myself with if the shirt match the pants, and if the shoes are appropriate for the outfit. My fellow Moms worry about having an outfit to put on their children - and shoes are often not even in the equation.
Bob and I are jointly schooling, providing a great support for me, and a fun shake up in the routine for the boys. We carefully packed educational materials for our time here in Honduras and when we are running short, the care package is only a few scant days away with more good books and learning tools. And, we have continual Internet access, so there is never a shortage of ways to educate. Yet, their education is often at the forefront of my mind, are we covering the 'right' things, are they learning 'what they need,' what are they missing, are they keeping pace with others their age. My fellow Moms worry about school period. Can they somehow find the money to buy school supplies, and uniforms. Can they afford not having the child helping out at home, or even worse helping to beg on the street in order to feed the family today?

I think about their future, what will the world look like when they grow up, how can I best prepare them for life in the world, what do they need to be ready? My fellow Moms are also thinking and worrying about the future, their horizon is simply a bit shorter - what will happen this week, this month. Can I provide for my child today.
When Lukas or Noah is sick, I bend down under the sink in our bathroom and pull out appropriate medicine to cure most of what ails them. If I do not have the right medicine, I can walk a few blocks to a local pharmacy and get it, and our personal health advisor Erin is only a phone call away. We even have Medi-evac insurance if something goes really wrong. My fellow Moms are just as worried about their little ones, they suffer through the fevers, the coughs, the wheezing lungs, the infected bites, the parasites. Despite limited education and information, Moms just know what is wrong with their babies, and these Moms are no exception. But, they most certainly do not have medicine under the bathroom sink - many do not even have a bathroom sink, the toilet is an outhouse and the washing takes place in the laundry, washing dishes, cleaning sink located outside. They may not be able to access medical care and pharmacies are bus rides away. Any Mom who has held a sick child waiting for the doctor's office to open, or for the medicine to arrive knows the horrid feeling in the gut...
There is so little differentiating me from these Moms, only God's amazing grace placed me where I am, in the family I grew up in, with the husband He prepared for me, and with the lovely family I have been blessed to care for.

Only in Honduras

2009-03-22T18:21:00.000-07:00

Only here have I
be woken up by a man selling screens and glass to fix your windows, door-to-door, at 7 am on a Sunday morning
walked by a window display that has a boy mannequin dressed in cuffed shorts, polo shirt tucked in, and swim wings; or a store window selling bikinis and wedding gowns - and it was not a second hand store!
seen a armed man riding on top of filled propane tanks
been able to buy chairs, baskets, hammocks, ice cream, sweet rollls, and cotton candy at my gate all before 11 am - just who has a craving for cotton candy at 9:30 am... bring me coffee and let's talk!
ordered kebabs featured on the menu and being told it will take so long to make, choose something else,
asked for a Pina Colada and having the waitress come back 15 minutes later apologising that Pina Coladas are too difficult to make - albeit listed on the drink menu
waited two weeks for the land lord to even think about fixing the windows so that we can secure the house when we leave during the day
accepted that the stove probably will not be work properly before we head back to the US
carried home a back pack full of delicious food from the fruit stand and still have money left from my equivalent of ten dollar bill
stopped on the corner to chat with the street sweeper and kissing and hugging before I continued my walk
cheek kissed virtual strangers whom I just met.
bought delicious honey from the house across the street

Life in Honduras is full of surprises, juxtapositions, and unusual encounters - never a dull moment!

Temporary housing

2009-03-17T12:59:00.000-07:00

As a military wife, I have had my fair share of temporary housing - and never thought much of it, apart from mumbled complaints about the things I did not have. Living in Honduras has given me a much more challenging perspective of temporary living.
We were fortunate enough that Mike was able to find us a place to rent short term. There are houses here to rent, and there are furnished places to rent, but a furnished house, in a safe community, for rent short term is not easy to come by, so we are truly blessed.
The house is furnished with the basics we need to live - beds, table, chairs, stove, fridge and it even have some great extras: sofa, sofa table, water cooler, desk for our computer, and some lamps to light up the place at night. The kitchen had minimal but almost sufficient equipment. The question for us became: "Is this good enough for our time here or do we need to purchase x?" Since we are on a limited budget, each purchase required a 'no, we really need this' in order to be made. So we now have enough plates, cups and utensils to hosts friends for dinner, one pretty good knife, a working can opener, and a few assorted other items. It took a little getting used to, having to juggle meal preparations not only based on what was in the store that day, but the size and types of pans we had. Bob has been known to heat his tea water in our 'lobster pot size' pot a few times, and our newly purchased non stick frying pan does double duty as quick micro wave to reheat left overs. The longer we are here, the more we get use to the limitations and, strangely enough, they no longer seem so restrictive. In a sense it is pretty freeing to have these limits imposed on how we live, what we cook, and the cleanliness of the place.
One day talking with a dear friend, she mentioned the concept of our temporary residency here on earth, and how our permanent home is not here, but in Heaven. It really made me think about how I live life here on earth, not just in Honduras.
How differently I live here in our temporary home than I did in our 'permanent' house in Ridgecrest. How would it look like if I lived a little more like my home is a temporary place rather than permanent, something ephemeral rather than something of such great importance. I have come to appreciate the temporary status of our home here, and the freedom is affords me, and I pray that I will carry some of that with me back to the US. We have so much less stuff here, yet we are not really missing much. The boys are doing a fine job finding things to entertain themselves with, even though we brought hardly any toys. We eat a decent meal each night. Our friends seem not bothered by the fact that nothing match, the food is served in pots, and we have to wash the forks before dessert, and we have fun fellowship playing games, getting to know each other and solving "the world's problems."
As we begin to unpack all our many boxes this summer, I pray I will remember where my true home is; that the things we have need to be taken care of, yet held lightly in my hand, that what we have is good enough more often than not, and that what truly matters is family and friends.
Asking the question "do I really need this, or can I make do?" will do wonders for not only our budget but for our lives. Less things to take care of, more time for friends, family and relationships. Honduras is teaching me so much!

Take the No for the Yes

2009-03-17T06:33:00.000-07:00

Two years ago, yesterday, God rocked our world by clearly saying "No" to our great plans for this time period between retiring and going back to school. There were a lot of emotions processing the end of our dream, what we had planned for, prepared for, desired, wished for and talked about for the last 8 years.
Two weeks later, we went away for a weekend get away. Both Lukas and Noah love to swim and although it was already hot in our desert town, there were no outdoor pools open. When we checked in to the hotel, the boys quickly spotted the little hotel pool. They were so excited and we were in that pool in record time - from car unloading to swimming: a blink or two! The boys happily played around in the pool, swimming, diving, jumping, splashing, and riding of Daddy's back. It did not matter to them that the pool was small, in their eyes it was perfect. Only the sun setting - making the desert cool again - and very hungry bellies could even begin to persuade them to get out and dry off. "This was the life" as Lukas says.
The next morning, we planned to spend the day at a local water park. The boys woke up, and had their swim shorts on before their sleepy parents had even opened their eyes. 'C'mon Mamma, C'mon Daddy, let's go to the pool....' When we told them we had other plans for the day, the reaction had the resemblances of a nuclear reactor melt down - how could we even think of going some place else, having to get in to the car, when there was a great and fabulous pool right here outside our door. Two very sad, although obedient, children, joined us for breakfast and then got in to the car. The mood certainly was somber. On my inside I was seething, how could they be so ungrateful, so unappreciative, we had these great plans for them, and all they did was whine and complain about not being able to play in the 8x10 pool. Their grumbles turned into singing when they realized where we were going, and what we had planned for them - a full day at a fabulous water park: lots of pools, slides, wave pool, lazy river, more slides, and water play. They squealed with delight and we had a phenomenal day.
The irony of this was not lost on me - the grumbling, whining and complaining that I was doing about our "No" was no better than that of Lukas and Noah. I saw a glimpse of what our Loving Heavenly Father must feel when I kick and scream, protest and argue. I often think about the 'water parks' that God has in store for me if only I am willing to listen and obey. How often have I spent my time in the little pool, when the water park was right there, because I wanted to lead and direct my life?
God's "No" two years ago, lead us to His "Yes" which we are living out right now. Spending four months in Honduras, working with missionaries, learning the language, experiencing the culture, and getting to know some amazing people - that was God's water park for us. I would have gladly given up a much bigger pool for this water park, and I only wish I had done it more graciously, without temper tantrums, whining, complaining, arguing, fretting about and stomping my feet. If I had had it my way, we would have missed this incredible, amazing, wonderful and all around invaluable experience - and all for splashing around in the puny hotel pool.

Beth Moore wrote:
Any "No" an earnestly seeking child of God
receives from the throne is for the sake
of a greater "Yes."

I pray that I will remember this next time God says "No."

Just Do It!

2009-03-11T12:16:00.000-07:00

Living in Honduras continues to teach me so many life lessons. What seems to logical, practical and easy from my perspective may just not be so - when viewing life from another point of view. Just last week, I had a great experiential lesson on this subject.

I had been suffering from a severe itch, hives, rash skin condition for over a week, when Bob said: "Enough is enough, you need to see a doctor." Since there is no Yellow Pages to find a doctor in, one either asks for referrals from friends or pound the pavements looking for doctor signs. We had spotted two dermatologists offices on our walks around town, and Erin suggested a third, so armed with directions I head in to town on Friday. The first office apologetically told me the doctor was at a convention and would be back in 10 days, but try this one... Well, that doctor also was at the convention, and so was the third doctor I tried and the fourth. As a last ditch effort before abandoning the quest, I headed to the private hospital. Yes, they did have a dermatologist on staff, no she was not at the convention, and yes I could come back that afternoon for an appointment, as long as I brought cash.
I returned cash in hand at the appointed time. The office secretary asked for my name and birth date. When I told her my name, she looked quizzically at me, so I handed her my ID card. Who can blame her, Severinghaus is not easy to spell. Once she typed in my name, she looked up, and asked, what about your second last name? Most Hondurans have two last names - one from the mother and one from the father. Well, I only have one - it is long enough that hyphenating was out of the question when we got married. She repeated her question, probably thinking this Gringa just does not understand. She finally gave up, and I silently wondered if she wrote 'Gringa' as my other name to make it proper.... As I reflected on the interaction, I realized that something as basic as a last name is so differently interpreted and used depending on culture, country and family.
The doctor was very congenial and relatively rapidly diagnosed me with escobiosis. My Spanish English dictionary did not have this word, but fortunately she was prepared with a Spanish English medical dictionary - my condition: scabies. It is very simple she told me; "just wash all of your clothes, every piece of it, in hot water and dry it in the dryer on the hot setting. Tonight, put this cream all over your body, go to bed, and in the morning take a shower. You then need to wash the sheets, and towels that you use every day for the next week in hot water, and dry them in a hot dryer. Since you live with three other people, I strongly suggest you take the precaution by treating them as well, i.e. washing all their clothes, cream, sleep, shower, and change sheets and towels daily. In a short 7 days you will feel so much better. " Well, it does sound simple... but it is not. I wanted to tell her how impractical her suggestion was considering my current living conditions, but on second thought realized that she would not understand, and probably not care. If I wanted to get rid of the itch, this is what I had to do.
My little pila in the backyard can only handle a few pieces of clothing, and there is no hot water in the house apart from through the widow maker in the shower..... We only have one set of sheets for our bed, and not that many towels. So far, we have had rain almost every day, so it takes a few days to get the heavier things dry. Fortunately our sheets are thin, thin, so they do usually dry pretty quickly, but what do I do if it pours?
I am fortunate enough that I have enough resources to make this happen. We took all my clothes to the laundromat, and paid extra for hot water wash. Four hours later, I had completely step one. We have not seen rain for the past few days, and the sun and the light breeze has made washing the sheets every morning possible, some days they are dry before lunch! But it is taking extra ordinary time, energy and resources to make this happen - much more complicated than it sounded.
It has been a very humbling experience as it taught me that so many of my western ideas, suggestions, and resolution to problems and situation I see here in Honduras are just not practical for them to implement. Many minor ailments such as lice, bed bugs etc cannot be properly eradicated unless one follows a rigours routine of sanitizing and cleaning - yet when the laundry is done in the river, the water is hardly considered hot. When several family members share one bed, and not everyone is treated, how can you stop the infestation? When we suggest the addition of fruit and vegetables to the diet, but there is none to buy nearby, and the closest fruit stand is 45 minutes away with a bus, is that truly practical? Possible? Feasible?
Just Do It! sounds easy and quick, but behind the words hide reality with all its limitations and challenges.

Deceptively pretty

2009-03-04T08:27:00.000-08:00

In the sunlight our house looks so inviting, almost beautiful. The garden is green and lush with large banana trees and bougainvilleas tree that are blooming. There is a curved walkway up to the house and potted plants and yard artifacts are scattered around. The facade of the house is painted a warm orange/yellow color and the door is dark wood. On one entire wall facing the garden we have these large, almost cathedral like windows, that go from almost bottom to almost top. Inside we have hardwood floor, and dark marble type tile, stainless steel counter top on the bar style counter into the kitchen, we have original art works on our green walls, and there are some antique pieces of furniture mixed in with the new to create a nice eclectic blend. From the outside, in the sunshine this is a pretty house.

But if you look a little closer, if you check in the corners, lift up the rugs, move the furniture, and open doors, there is a very different picture. The windows are almost falling out because the window frames are rotten, our floors have large holes caused by water damage, the termites leave their calling cards for us every morning, the couch is falling apart, the chairs are wiggly, our green walls are stained by the water leaks from the roof, we can see the sun light through the ceiling in the kitchen, and some rooms are just not even worth opening the door to. It is very deceptive and disappointing to see the true condition of the house. And if nothing is done to the correct these problems, the house will continue to decay and may even become uninhabitable.

Isn't that how I present myself to the world? Perfect, appearing to have it all together? I reflect on how much time I spend on the outer appearance of myself, our home, the boys, my family – yet what is the condition on the inside? My priorities are clearly skewed in the wrong direction when I focus on the outside and neglect the heart and soul, the inside.
Sweeping the floors of our little Honduran home, it was so clear to me that I need to change my focus. God, ever so gently, reminded me to spend my time on the inside, studying His word, praying, reflecting on His teaching, serving others, and sharing the Good News of Jesus Christ, and not worrying so much about the outwards appearance. Then I would be able to stand up to the scrutiny of others, and a living witness of Christ love in this dark world. My house would look pretty on the outside because the inside was well taken care of.

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisees! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. Mt 23:25-26

My prayer: May I spend the time cleaning the inside of my cup and dish….

Sabbath rest courtesy of the electric company

2009-02-24T18:49:00.000-08:00

This past Sunday, we had true Sabbath rest in the morning. Not that we do not usually honor the Sabbath but this one was different and it felt great. I wish I could say it was on my own accord, but no, the rest came courtesy of electric company in La Ceiba. The city was without electricity and therefore, in our case also without water, for the entire day. We had heard rumors that the electricity would be shut off at 8 am and come back on at 5 pm, and surprisingly, at 7:58 the lights went out and before we got home in the afternoon the lights were back on. Timeliness is usually not a Honduran virtue.

Not having water or electricity made for a nice quiet Sunday morning. I could not check email, we were not able to listen to a web cast sermon, without internet nobody could use the phone, no water meant no laundry, or daily cleaning, not even the breakfast dishes.
After family devotions, each one of us curled up in a corner of the house reading, praying or playing. With all the normal distractions gone, there were so much more time for God, time to reflect on His word, time to pray and time to listen to Him. Our slow, leisurely morning was such a blessing and we all felt rejuvenated and ready to go when we headed over to the Ninos de la Luz cook out.

God rested on the seventh day and he calls us to do the same. This past Sunday was a very gentle, kind reminder by God for me, of why He calls us to rest, and to keep the Sabbath holy. It restores the soul, rejuvenates the mind and re energizes the body for the work of the upcoming week. I pray that I will retain this lesson and think more carefully about what I and we as a family do on Sundays. The benefits of obedience are too great to disregard.

A Rainbow

2009-02-22T17:51:00.000-08:00

The Bible study that I participate in here in La Ceiba is doing a Beth Moore study - and this was our first week of homework. As anyone who has ever done a Beth Moore study knows, there is a lot of homework to do, but it is well worth it.
One day this week, the home work was about Noah and God's covenant with Noah: "I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth." Gen 9:13
In the afternoon, I set out to do some errands around town, feeling a bit rushed, and 'behind schedule' and frustrated that I still had so much to do... I walked briskly down the street, mumbling my frustrations and venting my complaints, and then I suddenly looked up and what did I see? A beautiful, almost complete and perfect rainbow in the sky. My frustrations melted away, like butter in the sun, and I no longer felt the need to complain about anything. God is so good and He is doing some big stuff in me; no I am not 100% content all the time, I have not surrender all control to God, and I am less than compassionate more often then I care to admit. Yet, I am more content, have surrender more of my life to God and am compassionate towards others in situations where in the past I would not have - so I am a big work in progress. It is a good thing I am in Honduras, where things do not move fast, and where nobody expects immediate results...

I count His Blessings

2009-02-16T19:26:00.000-08:00

The splendor of the King,
clothes in majesty,
and all the earth rejoice,
all the earth rejoice,
He wraps himself in light,
and darkness tries to hide,
and trembles at his voice,
and trembles at his voice.

How great is our God,
sing with me how great is God
and all will see how great, how great is our God.
Chris Tomlin

I sat down to write about God's many and amazing blessings, especially the ones we have seen visibly, daily here in Honduras. The music was playing in the background and I was struck by the words from Chris Tomlin's song – How Great is Our God. It was such an appropriate praise for the way God is showering my family in blessings right now.

We pray and we receive
We pray and things are resolved
We pray and it happens
We pray and our needs are met

Daily we see God's abundant blessings, in ways we could have never imagined or envisioned – He surprises us constantly. At times, we can barely utter the prayer before it is answered. Seeing so visibly and clearly how God bless us has been such a great lesson for us in God's faithfulness.

I can’t help but praise Him – "How great is our God, sing with me how great is our God, and all will see how great, how great is our God."

Source of energy?

2009-02-16T19:07:00.000-08:00

I stumbled up, half awake, into the kitchen, being thankful for the already set up coffee maker, all I had to do was turn it on and in a few minutes I would be able to enjoy a steaming hot cup of delicious Honduran coffee, curl up on the couch for some quiet time, enjoying the beautiful scenery outside my large window and savoring a few moments of silence and calm before the day begin.

While waiting for the espresso maker to do its magic, I sat on the couch, and opened my Bible. My experience over many years of trial and error is that my time alone with God in the morning is absolutely and unequivocally vital for the success of the day. I need to start with Him and Him alone and somehow all the rest fall into place. I read a passage, thought about it, meditated on the words and how they would apply to my day and periodically shot a glance over towards the stove, thinking – 'isn't the coffee ready soon…' I clearly had my priorities 'straight' coffee first, thank you very much. When my impatience finally took over (which probably was pretty quick, patience is not one of my virtues) and I got up to check on the coffee, I realized that I had in my morning fog turned on the wrong burner! There was no wonder the coffee was not ready! I quickly moved the coffee pot to the red hot burner; it took only a few minutes for the coffee to be ready. Coffee mug in hand I went back to my spot by the window and began to reflect on sources of energy.

From where do I draw my strength? What makes me alive? What gets me up and going in the morning? I must admit that there are many things that makes me get up and go, and my energy often comes from the things and people I enjoy being around. So if things are not enjoyable, or people around me disappoint me because they are human beings just like me, I am lukewarm or even cold, much like my coffee maker on the wrong burner.

I need to make sure that I am plugged in all day long to the source that gives me strength. God is always there, ready to help, encourage, support and shore up, yet if I am plugged in to another source I am not drawing on His great and amazing powers. I need to be on the right burner to get the energy I need.

Likewise, when I turned off the stove, there is residual heat for a bit, but sooner or later the burner is cold again. Spending time with God in the morning gets me going, but to keep me going I need to not turn Him off. He needs to be my source and strength all day long, not things or people.

Amazing what God can teach me with a coffee pot early in the morning... May your burner remain red hot all day long and the pot be on the one.

But Maaaaaam......

2009-02-09T18:56:00.000-08:00

I am beginning to think that God created children as an incredible funny joke on parents. My worst sides are shining brightly into my face like a gigantic magnifying glass when look into the eyes of our precious boys. When I stop to reflect on where those ugly things came from, it does not take long for me to realize the unpleasant truth – they all come from me…

But, Maaaam, so and so has one, why can't I have one?
But, Maaam, so and so does not have to do that, why do I?
But, Maaam, so and so can do that, why can't I?

A deep breath before I answer is the only sure remedy for not losing my patience with the incessant comparisons to others. I try to hard to explain that it is no use comparing oneself to others; that each person is unique, each family has its own special way, and that comparison only leads to dissatisfaction and malcontent. But, wait, who is calling the kettle black, I am trying to get Lukas and Noah to understand the danger of comparison, the results of measuring against others, of always looking for more. Yet, I myself so easily fall into this trap – my comparisons just seem 'more valid' but in reality they are no more justified than the ones that Lukas and Noah so eloquently present to me. God is using all available methods to teach me to be content in the moment and in my current circumstance. In some ways, the boys are the most effective teacher as my desire is to not perpetuate malcontent into the next generation, and they learn so well by example. Another baby step….

Laundry: a lesson in contentment

2009-02-09T18:55:00.000-08:00

Yes, this is true, as much as I see myself a participant in the laundry war, it is teaching me contentment. The sink is still low to the ground, the tub can only handle about seven pieces at a time – unless it is jeans which mean only one at a time. The rain is still falling most every day, and the shape of our clothes - well who cares? They still work and fill their functions.
As I stand out there sorting, filling the tub, soaking, scrubbing, rinsing, wringing, and handing – I realize that I am blessed. I have people to do laundry for – I have a beautiful family. We are all healthy and able bodied enough to go out and get dirty on pretty much a daily basis.
We have enough clothes that I can wash some of them and we will not be without something to wear if the current load does not dry for a few days.
No socks are lost to the washing machine monster, if I put two socks in the tub, there are two socks to scrub, rinse, wring out and hang on the line.
Yet as much as laundry is teaching me about contentment, I am learning that it is more of a feeling rather than a conscious thought. Contentment allows me to focus on other things, my mind is not occupied with wants, desires, urges to acquire, needs to consume and accumulate, jealousy of others material and personal blessings – I am free to more fully walk in the light of Jesus and do the work that God has purposed for me. However, when I begin to think about how content I am, the step to a sense of righteousness is not far away and bang, I am back wallowing in malcontent.
I am taking baby steps on the life long journey towards complete contentment – a destination I will not reach until the day I stand in the presence of Jesus Christ.

Change is good

2009-02-09T18:54:00.000-08:00

I am changing....

I 'get' air fresheners
I 'get' the wisdom in washing out and reusing Ziploc bags – please forgive my snickering Mor and Barb
I 'get' scented laundry soap – citrus is my favorite- it masks the sour humidity smell in towels
I 'get' the timing of nationals, today really means tomorrow but it is sort of a gift of time, as I still feel I need to be here just in case they truly do show up when they said they would.

Very wet laundry

2009-02-06T21:02:00.001-08:00

At the moment, the rain is winning the laundry battle. Although I am down, I am not out - God is still good and this has been a week of so many answered prayers, what can a little wet laundry do to dampen my spirit (no pun intended).

Proof positive...

2009-01-28T18:24:00.000-08:00

This man is cutting the lawn across the street from our house - I know it is called mowing in proper English, but when you use a weed whacker, is it really mowing or cutting or trimming?

Here is the lard aisle in our local supermarket....

View from our window

2009-01-27T18:56:00.000-08:00

Here are some of the things that I see when I look out our windows. All of my petty concerns and worries fade away quickly when I take a moment to take in the beauty just outside, right here in 'our' yard.
More and more things are becoming normal and life here in La Ceiba is taking on a bit of routine.
I now know that seven quick knocks are not someone trying to get my attention at the gate, but our friendly geckos making themselves known.
I no longer need moisturizer, and wonder why I even packed it, space being so precious...
I am, at the moment, winning the laundry war
I have learned that laundry is a five step process - soak, wash, rinse, hang out to dry, take inside to finish drying.
I thought I missed the rain while living in the desert, I no longer really miss it.. we had more rain since we arrive than we had the almost three years we lived in the desert.
I have learned that fruit flies can get through anywhere.

I found out that they sell coffee pre-mixed with sugar in the ground coffee section of the store.. no wonder it tasted so funny yesterday morning
I am learning to make pretty good tortillas - the secret ingredient is the lard
I truly appreciate my Ginger Orange Shower Gel - although nothing truly gets the sweaty smell out totally, or perhaps it is just that I begin to sweat the moment I step out of the shower
I never thought I would prefer thin bath towels, but now I see their value - they dry quicker.
I am learning that walking is a great mode of transportation
I have not seen a lawn mower since we got here, grass is mowed with a weed whacker or machete
I am no longer surprised to see wild horses, and dogs wandering down the street
I am no longer closing my eyes when we pass a car on the road, while the road curves, driving straight into the blind spot
I can serve my family American fast food if I want to, it is all here ready and available at Gringo prices....
I am getting to know some incredible people, my life is truly richer for meeting and getting a chance to work along side Erin, Mike, Lindsey, Sean, Jamie, Joshua and Andy. These were all strangers more or less a month ago, and they have truly accepted us with open and loving arms.

Life in Honduras is great and I am so grateful for this opportunity to live here, to learn more about the people and serve An Awesome God.

My three C's

2009-01-24T18:38:00.001-08:00

I am not one to make New Year's promises, but this year I was challenged to take an inventory of my life. 2008 presented so many challenges, changes and choices for us as a family and for me as a person – it truly was a whirlwind year with little time for reflection. I finally have time to think more clearly, pray for purposefully and truly listen to what God has in mind for me and our family. Life here in La Ceiba offers plenty more time for quite reflection and it is becoming clearer to me that I ought to focus on a few key things this year – and 'coincidentally' they all begin with C, perhaps to make it easier for me to remember my lessons…
Contentment, control (giving it up), and compassion are going to be my focus this year. Although three relatively simply words they encompass so much and have such far reaching consequences for my life. I would be delusional if I even for a second thought I would master these things in one short year.. my goal is simply to move in the right direction. So I covet my friends prayers – that I would be a faithful student, have a willing heart and an open mind to the ways that God is going to teach me. He is ready, but am I?

Perception vs reality

2009-01-24T18:16:00.001-08:00

Why is it that I have such a hard time getting to reality? I seem to get stuck in perception, and then perception colors my life, my world view, my attitude towards anyone and anything around me?

Perception is not real; it is not true, it is often completely wrong. I know that in my head, but my heart.. that is another story. So I am once again reminded of God's mercy with me, His incredible patience with this slow learner, who just does not seem to 'get it.' Never do I feel God's impatience with me like I feel with our boys when they 'just don't get it,' never do I feel His frustration with my inability to absorb, obey and trust – yet I am so quick to become frustrated with the boys when they do disobey, repeatedly make the same mistake or simply forget what I told them.

I take comfort in Beth Moore's quote: "God's specialty is raising dead things to life and making impossible things possible." Impossibly slow learner like me…. there is hope!

Random things that are becoming the norm

2009-01-18T17:54:00.000-08:00

We have been here in La Ceiba almost two weeks, so some of the things that seemed strange initially are becoming 'normal' and even routine. It is amazing how quickly the normalcy sets in:
Throwing toilet paper in the trash can, not in the toilet
Having to wash hands with hand sanitizer as there is no water - something with rain and water pressure
Dishes can get clean in cold water as long as one has the special soap
The vegetables and fruit take a 20 minutes bleech/water bath before we eat them
If there is yogurt in the store buy it, it may not be in there tomorrow, same goes for pretty much any grocery item - it was 6 days between our first and second time to buy Diet Coke for Bob
I stop and look each time someone is honking a horn outside, it may be someone coming for a visit
When it rains, take a shower quickly, because the water may be out soon
I can buy ice cream, water, oranges, bread and someone said fish from vendors who walk by the house daily
Roaming freely are horses, pigs, and dogs
There is an obstacle course in the living room, to avoid the holes in the floor
Buckets are necessary to prevent all the leaky water from puddling in the floor
Cooking dinner almost always involves at least one electric shock
Four cars across on a single lane road is fine, when it gets to be six, I begin to pray
Everyone is so nice and kind, and so willing to help this gringo family wherever we are

The laundry saga continue

2009-01-17T16:58:00.000-08:00

This is what it looks like outside our house this afternoon. The water is flowing like a faucet through the drainage pipe that is coming off the roof. It is no wonder I am losing this battle.....

Neighborhood vistas

2009-01-17T14:05:00.000-08:00

This horse walked by our house the other night.. although he
had a friend with him then, another horse. He does not appear to be own
by anyone and roam as he pleases.

This man is transporting a large wood ladder so he is supporting the
weight of the ladder with his right leg, and peddling with his left leg only. The

Learn your colors

2009-01-17T14:01:00.000-08:00

This I saw on a wall of a school in downtown La Cebia today. I am sure that at one point these were all very colorful ballons, but now they are only shades of white.

Christina vs Laundry

2009-01-17T13:57:00.000-08:00

Our 'washing machine' is a cement sink outside our kitchen, and as you can see from the picture it is at the 'perfect' height for me as I scrub white socks and mud caked shorts clean. Once the laundry is washed we hang it up on four lines in our back yard - two are somewhat under the overhang, and two are not. This is the prefered method of drying clothes here, and I even saw some lines strung between houses and trees on the sidewalk in 'down town' today - 'everyone' hangs laundry outside to dry. I did laundry on Monday and since it was not dry by the time we left for our activities for the day, I left it outside. The rain came and the clothes got wet, so they remained on the line another day. On Tuesday, I added some more laundry, and the process repeated itself, the rain came and the clothes remained. Strike One. On Thursday, there was a few items that were dry enough to take inside before we headed out, but there were still things on the line. Of the things that were completely dry, some had to be put right back into the laundry bin as the birds had gotten to them before I did. Strike Two. The house is humid so it takes a long time to dry clothes inside and we have yet to rig a line up for this purpose. The items that were almost dry therefore hung from the ceiling fan to dry completely. It just makes it a little akward to cook dinner.. We typically take showers at night to rinse off the days dirt and sweat but last night it rained so much that we lost water pressure. How these two are connected is not entire clear to me, but my next door neighbor kindly explained that this happens when it rains. So the boys went to bed without showers. Since I knew it takes a while for clothes to dry, I planned to wash towels on sequential days, but the one I washed on Monday is still not dry.. and is no longer smelling clean. Strike Three. I surrendered to the laundry and gave up. This morning, while the three guys went with the rest of the team to Armenia Bonito, I took a cab - which charges by the person so it cost me $1 - to "Super Clean Laundry Place" and dropped off my 48 lbs of clothes. I am sure all my water sogged towels and socks added pounds to the total. Three hours later, I got home with all my clothes washed, dried and folded. I only wonder why almost all the clothes were inside out.. However, it is a small price to pay for clean sheets, dry fresh towels and dry clean socks.
The boys came home and I had to once again fill my tub outside with the mud caked shorts and socks... the battle begins again!

So proud

2009-01-16T19:38:00.000-08:00

This young girl was so proud of her new glasses. Erin had about twenty pairs of reading glasses at the clinic yesterday and she got one of the last pairs. I could have never guessed at the excitement 20 pairs of inexpensive reading glasses could create, but there was a buzz around the table and the glasses were going faster than butter melts on a hot tin roof. I have seen these types of glasses at the Dollar store, and could have never imagined how much a quick dollar purchase could impact a person's life. This girl was so happy and so proud. There is a great need for glasses, and we now have an address to receive mail and packages: PO Box 535, La Ceiba, Atlantidad, Honduras.

Really getting to know my children

2009-01-15T07:44:00.001-08:00

I am a stay at home Mom so I spend most of my time with our precious sons, Lukas and Noah. I have been home since Lukas was born, and have even began to home school them so we have had plenty of quantity time together. If anyone asked me, I would say I really knew my children. Well, spending time on the road traveling has helped me really truly get to know our boys. Back in 'normal' life, we were together, but they would play, I would be busy planning meals, doing laundry, coordinating events, cleaning all the while spending time with them. Since we packed up the house, I have had no need to clean, or rarely and much lesser areas, I cannot really meal plan more than a few days ahead, and on there are no play-dates, classes, or practices to coordinate. My time is much more available to really truly be with them and it has been such a blessing. I am learning the little nuances in who they are, the finer details of how God so amazingly and expertly created and knitted them together. I continually marvel over their differences and have come to appreciate those for what they are – their uniqueness and individuality. I cannot think of a better gift given to me than this time with the boys, a time that will forever be a sweet memory in my heart.

Settling in...

2009-01-15T07:42:00.000-08:00

This was written earlier this week....
This morning, after cooking breakfast for the boys, I set about to make my first set of tortillas. It is the bread here in Honduras, but very few places sell it, as most people make it at home. Last week Teresa, a national, showed me how to make tortillas and laughed heartily as I tried to flatten the dough with my hands like she did seemingly without effort and so perfectly. Without measuring cups, but with a recipe, I was determined to at least try. The end result? Nothing nearly as uniform and nice looking as Teresa's but at the end of the day, there were none left on the plate and Lukas asked when we could make more.

I have tortillas in a stack on a platter on the stove, and four lines of laundry drying outside, and I catch myself with a broom in my hand sweeping, sweeping, sweeping – the Honduran habits are rubbing off rapidly.

2009-01-15T05:21:00.000-08:00

Teresa and her family live out in Armenia Bonito and the first time we met her and her family she made us baleandos - tortillas with beans and cheese.

She taught me how to make tortillas, or at least try to teach me.... It sure looked easy when she did it!

If only the sink was six inches taller, or I was six inches shorter, this would be the perfect match - our new washing machine and I. At least it is under a make shift roof, and we have some clothes lines that are hanging under the cover to protect a little from the what seems like daily rain shower in the afternoon, just before the laundry is dry enough to bring inside.

A very long journey and a very slow learner

2009-01-15T05:07:00.000-08:00

I wrote this entry last week...
I know what is it to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Phil 4:12

Paul had truly found contentment….

Our weeks on the road have afforded me a great opportunity to think about contentment, what does it mean for me to be content? What do I really need? Given the limited space in the car, I had to limit my wardrobe, and found myself wearing the same things over and over, sometimes – gasp - even two days in a row! To make sure my shoes match my clothes – was not willing to give up the matching part just yet – I packed monochrome, but I still had to make some hard choice on which pairs to bring. As hard as it appeared when I packed, I never once missed the shoes I left behind, I always had something to wear, and since the choices were limited it was a breeze to get ready. Me having fewer clothes turned out to be a good thing, not a hardship.

We often had kitchen facilities in the places we stayed, and managed to eat well despite the minimal equipment and varying sizes of fridges. The cooler volume dictated how much food we could bring with us from place to place, which in reality meant very little. Our typical car lunch was 'this and that' left over along with simple sandwiches.

No trip to Minneapolis is 'truly complete' without a visit to the Mall of America. There are over 4.5 miles of store fronts, countless eateries and entertainment options for adults and children alike to keep everyone busy for days. After Christmas, we all headed out to get our fix. Bob, Lukas and Noah were off to the amusement park, and I had hours on hand to browse and shop. To sweeten the deal, I had Christmas money to spend. Well, it did not take me long to realize that I did not need anything, did not want anything, could not even find something that I wanted to buy with my 'free' money. I felt a complete sense of peace, and contentment. I was utterly content simply people watching, and wonder around in amazement looking at 'all the things we need' and therefore is for sale. I had to stop and praise God, thank Him for doing a great work in me, giving me peace and contentment amidst. I felt free and filled with joy.

Smugly I thought I had conquered contentment… .what was I thinking? I have never been a fast learner and this is a hard one. A few days here in Honduras and my level of contentment was dipping quickly, all the thoughts of being content in plenty and in want seemed to have vanished. How could I possibly be content with ….. and without….. My attitude took a deep dive south and it was not long before it affected my family.

Erin invited me to her Women's Group Bible study and I was happy to get away from it all. The study is currently held in Erin's home and the attendees are all American women living here in Honduras. This was the first time back from a holiday break, so there was much catching up to be done, and many concerns and trials shared openly and honestly. Erin popped in the DVD lesson and the speaker begins to talk about the "Three doors to Contentment!" Yes, I am in a Bible study about contentment, and that is clearly no accident or coincident, it is where I need to be, what I need to work on and continue to struggle through. Listening to the lesson, hearing the women's real and candid prayer concerns made me once again realize what contentment is all about, and where to find it. Not in things, not in comforts, but in God and His Word. I left the study with a heart that was not fully content, will I ever be?, but clearly redirected from my earlier malcontent and back on track again. I can now see that have began the journey, and that the journey is long, but I am willing and God is good!

The bagel hole

2008-12-26T05:40:00.001-08:00

This analogy keeps coming back to me, and the lesson is one that I need to re-learn, re-apply frequently, maybe one day I will actually 'get' this and move on?

I life a truly blessed life. I have a beautiful family and we are all healthy. Our extended family is loving, caring, generous and above all fun to be around. We have many great and dear friends all across the country. I am fully aware of the many 'major' blessings that I can count mine.

Yet, in this wonderful period of my life, when I am pretty fancy and footloose, I get lost in the 'hole.' If I really think about it, I have it 'made' right now. No home to clean, no household chores to do, no meal planning, no daily to do list of too many things that must get done today, no stresses of making 'the right' Christmas food, no expectations on 'the perfect' decorations, rather I have time to sit on the floor and play with the boys, read a magazine or a great book for more than 5 minutes at a stretch, Bob and I have had a dinner out date, and we have had a wonderful and joyous Christmas surrounded by family, fabulous food and the ability to see and experience Christmas through the eyes of little ones. I could easily go on for pages about the plentys of my blessings.

Yet, the 'hole' crowds this out, and what I 'see' is only what I do not have, the things that are not going 'my way,' the misspelling of a word rather than the blessing of the message, the slight of a clerk rather than the great gift found for a loved one. It is like sticking my head through the hole of a bagel, looking at the big empty space and complaining there is nothing to eat. Being so busy looking around through the hole that I completely miss all the yummy dough cooked into a delicious, warm, cinnamon raisin bagel. The 'not here' takes over, crowds out the 'much here' and the hole gets bigger, the more I really have. Truly I am lacking nothing, I am not in need for even one thing. Why does the hole take over? It colors my world, I am grouchy, crabby, selfish, and not fun to be around - because I am hungry and all I can see is the hole.

I am going back to basics, back to counting my blessings daily to keep me so busy that the hole cannot take over. Because when I stop and enumerate the many things that are so wonderful in my life, the hole disappear, and the scent of cinnamon tickles my nose, the warmth of the dough warms me up, and my hunger is satisfied by the extra large bagel that is all around me.

This is more self disclosure than I am used to, but being open, honest, and real is the only way to smooth out the rough edges. Our current vagabond lifestyle is shining a bright light at many of my rough spots, there is a lot of work to be done. This season in my life is no 'accident' but rather a precious gift from God, so that I can do the work set before me. The busyness of 'normal life is gone, stripped away, I have no excuses. This is a time for self reflection, re-focus, renewal bathed in prayer and Scripture to help me in the sanctification process and to grow closer to God. This journey has just began!

What have I missed?????

2008-12-09T20:56:00.002-08:00

What have I missed?

Finding a great parking spot in a hard to park area and the meter has money left on it.
Watching large beautiful snow flakes falling gently outside the window
Seeing the glimmer in my son's eye as he masters tying his shoes – and not getting impatient that it takes twice as long as if I had done it.
Having a family that was craving hamburgers for lunch and being right in front of a drive through that had 'half off everything day' – more food than we could eat for $12.
Getting great seats to a last minute show and being offered a military discount far better than any other discount available
Missing friends and just then the phone ringing, someone calling to chat
Trying on clothes, losing my anniversary earrings, realizing it 30 minutes later and being able to find it!
Taking a walk and finding a great park to play in and having the time to play.

Daily God blesses me in the here and now, small blessings to remind me of His love and promise to always be with me. I am overwhelmed by his mercy. I am quite confident that these blessings did not just begin to show up, but rather that I have been too busy with life to even notice and appreciate all that God does for me. I even read the 'Having a Mary heart in a Martha World,' without effect on my busyness. Yet again, I thought I could do it, I could fix it, I could find it.
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. Eph 2:8-9.
I am not boasting, I am confessing that I was too busy to notice and so very grateful that God cared enough for me to correct me and bring me back. When most of the daily chores of life were peeled away, I finally had a chance to notice and appreciate. I know now that God never leaves me, but rather I leave Him behind in my hurry to get this one thing done. He stripped most of my hurries and to dos away so that I was able to stop and notice Him. I am just curious about what I have missed all this time?

Traditions

2008-12-09T20:56:00.001-08:00

Traditions
I am at times worrying about the many traditions that our boys are missing giving our current lifestyle – or so I think. We are not home to set up a tree, decorate the house, bake and cook, wrap gifts, make presents and celebrate the holidays with friends at parties. I know that value of traditions and desire fervently to indulge them and imbue them with the best and happiest of childhood memories and those are of course made at Christmas, right? What will they grow up with, no traditions, nothing that they look back on as special and that 'what we always did' feeling. So I worried and fretted….

When we got to our room in Park City, we immediately checked out the view. Gorgeous mountains in the distance and a small convenience and shopping center right across the street. Both Bob and I had independently noticed signs for a local church so we decided that we needed to visit this little church for Sunday service. Up to this point, we have been practicing home church in our various locations.

The boys were reluctantly excited about going to church, and then looked across the street to the shopping center and shouted – Yes, we can go to Einsteins after church, just like we used to. Here was a every day, run of the mill routine we used to have while living in Washington DC, going to church and stopping for bagels on our way home. To the boys that was tradition, to the boys that is what one does on Sundays, and our time in Ridgecrest had not diminished that tradition despite the lack of a proper bagel store in the vicinity. Here was a tradition that to them was important and meaningful, and I was worrying about what????

Lukas and Noah have a way of getting my perspective back on track!

Warning, time spent in the desert appears longer!

2008-12-09T20:54:00.001-08:00

Warning, time spent in the desert appears longer than it is…. Just like the familiar warning on side view mirrors: object in the mirror appears closer than they are.

Appearance, perception – not reality. In truth, we only spent a scant 30 months in the desert, but it sure seemed longer, much longer. As I reflect on why that is, I realize it is not because
it was so far away from everything
it was so hot all the time
it was so windy all the time
or any other objection to the desert
Our time in Ridgecrest seemed so much longer because of
the slower life style
the non existing traffic jams
the amazingly short commute to work
the great people who live there
the ability to hold last minute get-togethers and impromptu dinner parties
the spontaneous play dates that did not require weeks of pre-planning
the generosity and kindness of everyone
the knowledge that anyone on the street would lend me a cup of sugar
the freedom that Lukas and Noah had in playing almost unsupervised outside
the fabulous people
the great friendships we formed and made
the spectacular starry nights
the gorgeous sunrises and sunsets
the wildlife right there in our front or back yard
the majestic mountains
the wonderful people – did I say that already????

Ridgecrest will forever hold a special place in our hearts – we left with many wonderful and incredible memories in our bags, and our only regret is that we had to leave so many great friends behind.

Such extremes

2008-12-02T19:47:00.000-08:00

Most people who know me, know that I am a list maker. I have list for gifts, lists for things to do, list errands, list for food, lists for my lists... just kidding about the last one. My life revolves around the lists, and the last few months have been the time of lists with capital L in order for us to prepare for our nine month adventure. Slowly as we neared the day to leave Ridgecrest, the lists got shorter and fewer, and now here in Snowbird, UT my list consists of: NOTHING!!! I am almost having list withdrawal, although I am enjoying this time of very few demands on my time and for the very few things I need to remember each day. Although I like lists, there is nothing for me to write on my list right now!
Another extreme surrounds food and our meals. I am reading Vegetable, Animals, Miracles which talks about a families experiment to live off food that is either produced by themselves or produced locally for one year. So out the window goes anything 'ready made' or almost ready made. The author talks about making bread, canning, making cheese, slaughtering chickens and creating delicious stews that simmer all day on the stove. My reality right now is such a contrast to that - we have discovered a whole new world of almost ready made meals in the store, things that can easily be whipped up in hotel kitchenettes, and does not require multiple staples to round out, finish off the meal. I never knew there were so many choices in the store. Meals come together in minutes and my most coveted tool is the can opener and the microwave...

I was a list making, bread baking, from scratch making dinner gal and have gone to the land of no lists, and ready made food. What an adventure!

Riding off into the sunset

2008-11-30T15:06:00.001-08:00

Once upon a time there was a little girl who dreamed of her handsome prince....... and she got her prince and they rode off into the sunset on his beautiful white horse.

So, I am no longer a little girl, but a mother of two young boys, but my prince is still handsome although the white horse was replaced by a white Toyota sedan. That is how we rode out of town on November 13 2008 when we left our regular, normal life behind for a life on the road, a life of adventure, a life of growing and stretching. The beautiful 'horse' was packed to the max, not a cubic foot to spare.

A dear friend of mine always reminds me that I once said to her that I desired a life of adventure. Well, here it is, we are off ! I will share my thoughts, escapades and learnings on this blog, so check back often to see what is going on. Please feel free to leave a comment! Thank you for allowing me to share with you!

God Bless